Nerf-Coated World

Okay, I'm getting really tired

Okay, I'm getting really tired of Fox News' "BREAKING NEWS" feature. Gentle and learned readers, I ask you: Is this breaking news?

Bush: 'We Will Not Stop Until Iraq Is Free'
If you haven't been under a rock for the past month, it isn't. And last I checked, rock-dwelling folk aren't a great demographic for advertisers. Thus, they will face serious problems in attracting advertisers if they keep these non-breaking-as-breaking-news shenanigans up. Then, obviously, they will have to sell the company, say, me, for a token price (as the company will then be worthless) of say, $10,000, whereupon I will write it into the Fox News Constitution that Breaking News shall be defined as:
  1. news that we didn't already know
which isn't that hard to figure out. After this has been done, I will offer the company -- value added, of course -- back to Rupert Murdoch, who otherwise has been a wise steward of his news company, for the humble price of $10,000,000. Advertisers will return. And I won't have to put up with the GONG! BREAKING NEWS! THAT ISN'T IN ANY WAY "BREAKING" crap anymore.

Seriously. They're pulling a real "cry wolf" thing here. I've stopped paying attention. When they figure this out -- that their news alerts aren't getting attention anymore -- they'll do either one of two things: 1) cut back on the Breaking News Alerts so that they're worth more, or 2) come up with an additional news alert, perhaps Super Breaking News Alert, to differentiate between news that is truly breaking and that which is merely just coming in. I've got my money squarely on the latter.

Posted by Matt at April 3, 2003 10:35 AM