Nerf-Coated World

February 28, 2005

The Bachelorette wrap-up

The Bachelorette ended last night. I usually don't watch these shows, but this one was a train wreck. A delightful, sick, twisted train wreck centered around a woman who is undoubtedly a complte disaster herself.

After having been on The Bachelor herself -- and having that relationship end poorly -- Bachelorette Jen got a special treat for this go-round. She chose the bachelors. And yet she refused the proposals of two excellent options (so my lady friends tell me).

My conclusion: Who won the Bachelorette? Every frickin' guy on that show, who managed to avoid being sucked into this psycho crazy woman's web.

Jen is about as desirable as a blow-up doll. She's cute, but man, that girl's attractiveness factor plummets as soon as her brows furrow with just the hint of the thought: "I don't know what I want!" Get a grip, woman.

Jean-Paul -- the first rejected bachelor -- is a deluded puss. You can detect just a hunt of lisp behind his faint Oklahoma twang, a vestigial assertion of the balllessness that evidenced itself in this last episode. He. Actually. Thought. Jenn. Liked. Him. Best.

Dude. Haven't you seen the show before? The star always screws around with every guy. She always tells her suitors that she is having feelings for them. These chicks are screwed up. They love the attention. You're an incidental supporting character in the Jen Show, dude.

Jerry: Dignity spelled with a J. You know he was just itchin' to tell this woman that she's a deranged nutbag, but he held his tongue. The grace he exhibited in the face of being stood up on live national TV was exemplary. I admire this man.

When Jerry originally proposed at the end of shooting, Jen told him "I am 100% committed to seeing this through" -- she just wanted to wait until the live show, months later, to accept. So when she refused his second proposal, she replied, "I just think we decided this wasn't the right thing." We nothing. Jerry still proposed to the girl. Evidence of a horribly confused and manipulative woman.

Jen doesn't strike me as a particularly thoughtful girl, so I doubt she'll take anything positive away from this experience, aside from the celebrity. The woman thrives on attention and craves nothing deeper.

I'm proud of myself for knowing my hackles are in good shape for bein' raised by the crazies. This woman sent a shiver down my spine as soon as she opened her mouth.

My congratulations go out to Jerry, John-Paul, and every other guy who dodged the Jen bullet.

Dittos here. "I've wasted over six weeks of my life, and I'll never get it back. Sigh."

Posted by Matt at 9:06 PM

Bush fired Dan Rather?

Evidently that's what Vladimir Putin thinks.

It's Americans that are most often accused of not understanding the rest of the world. I'd argue that the rest of the world just doesn't get America.

Posted by Matt at 2:04 PM

February 27, 2005

Why am I not posting today? (Or this weekend?)

Priorities, my boy, priorities.

Too much to do around the house; too much to do for work. I've got a boss who'll be calling me into his office on Monday morning wondering why the project I've been working on this past week isn't done yet, and I'll be damned if I don't have a good answer for him. So when I'm not working on the housekeeping stuff I've got to take care of, it'll be nose to the grindstone on work-related matters.

You still want links? Fine.

Ace is on frickin' fire today. Read his stuff.

Bill at INDC comments on the science behind Larry Summers' "men are different from women" comment.

Mobile PC Magazine has published its list of the Top 100 Gadgets of All Time. Included: The Bedazzler (#100), the remote-controlled garage door opener (#82), the sextant (#59), and the Nintendo GameBoy (#25). The top 5 are the computer mouse, the Motorola StarTac phone (I still have my old one!), the Sony Walkman, the Zenith TV remote control, and the first Apple Powerbook. Kind of an odd list -- with some weird placements (the sextant??--behind the portable MP3 player?), but an interesting look at gadgetry over the years.

Posted by Matt at 5:34 PM

February 25, 2005

A conversation with an attorney from Hardball

John from Wuzzadem got a call from Brian Finch, an MSNBC lawyer, with the rather unreasonable request to stop making parodies of Hardball. John stood his ground. And transcribed the whole conversation, which, strangely, consists of a lot of:

Brian and John
AAAAAAA HAHAHAHA!

Related programming note: NCW has added John from Wuzzadem to the Blogroll! And John added NCW to his. All together now: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Posted by Matt at 1:08 PM

Yikes!

The plain old wooden block not doing enough for expressing your violent tendencies in the kitchen? Then try the Voodoo Knife Rack! Comes in red, and... red.

Two thoughts:

1. I wonder if this woman had one.


2. (Follow-up to #1) What man in his right mind would ever give this as a gift to his wife/girlfriend/mother?

H/T: EnGadget

Posted by Matt at 12:33 PM

Our cultural weakness

Jerry Falwell and Ward Churchill are about as far apart on the political spectrum as you can get. But they're both in agreement on one thing: On 9/11, our chickens came home to roost. Our country deserved what it got that day.

Falwell says it's because we pushed God out of our national culture and he couldn't or wouldn't protect us like he always had. Churchill says it's because we've inflicted genocide on the world for decades, and turnabout's fair play. Screw these guys; they're extremists. Their explanations for 9/11 are nothing more than a wank to justify their own warped view of reality.

But I am a big believer in cause and effect. These things don't just happen. Three big honkin' planes don't get slammed into major national landmarks without some reason for it.

Forget the terrorists' reasons. Forget all that crap about American imperialism and American arrogance. Forget all the intellectual egghead talk about "unprecedented" and "asymmetrical" and "root causes". Forget weaving the event into a broader narrative. That kind of talk is for historians and pundits whose ability to understand the present day is nil and whose hindsight is, at best, only about 20/40.

Terrorists will plot. What we do about it is a totally different story. I don't give a crap about whether their actions are justified. I only want them to fail.

So what exactly enabled them to succeed that day?

Here's where Falwell is right -- if only in a tangential way. Our culture was responsible, partially, for enabling the terrorists to succeed. Case in point: Michael Tuohey, who was running the ticket counter in Portland, Maine, where Mohammed Atta and Abdul Aziz al Omari checked into their flight that morning.

In the moments that Tuohey encountered these men, he was faced with a struggle. His instincts fired off a thousand warning signals that these men were terrorists, but he found himself split. Like an admonishing parent, he "slapped himself" and told himself that he was wrong to be worried about these men. "You're just being racist," his mind said:

He thought the pair were unusual. First, they each held a $2,500 first-class, one-way ticket to Los Angeles (via Boston). "You don't see many of those."

The second reason is not so easy to explain.

"It was just the look on the one man's face, his eyes," Tuohey recently told me. ...

"I looked up, and asked them the standard questions. The one guy was looking at me. It sent a chill through me. Something in my stomach churned. And subconsciously, I said to myself, "If they don't look like Arab terrorists, nothing does.'"

"Then I gave myself a mental slap. In over 34 years, I had checked in thousands of Arab travelers, and I never thought this before. I said to myself, 'That's not nice to think. They are just two Arab businessmen.'" And with that, Tuohey handed them their boarding passes.

In over 34 years, Tuohey encountered tens of thousands of passengers -- none of whom turned out to be terrorists. Yet the one time a terrorist crosses his path, he doubts himself. He has no confidence in his experience, no confidence in his character. He mentally slaps himself for even considering that Atta could be a terrorist. He chides himself as racist for entertaining such thoughts, never considering that he might be qualified to make an assessment on Atta's odd behavior.

I don't think it's right to blame Michael Tuohey for his actions that morning. Rather, I think we ought to look at what his case tells us about our culture as a whole.

In the aftermath of the attack, we've looked at how the terrorists pulled it off, in an effort to prevent it from happening again. A thousand times, we've asked ourselves: wasn't there someone who noticed these men plotting to carry out these attacks? Wasn't there anyone who could have stopped them, or at least reported them to the proper authorities? My guess is yes -- about a thousand times.

How many times did someone see these guys and have their instincts buzz with warning signs? Everyone has described Atta as being a cold, lifeless, scary machine. Forget that he's Arab; there was something not right about the guy. And yet, not once did anyone go from that initial sense of concern to following through and calling the authorities. Some intervening force kicked in and stopped them.

That intervening force is the suicidal rot in our culture. But that "rot" isn't gays, and it isn't racism, and it isn't any of the stuff you usually hear guys like Falwell and Churchill throwing about. No, it's the always-second-guessing attitude -- the ever-present mentality that our beliefs and instincts can never be trusted. We're so programmed to constantly question our certainty that we have lost our sense of direction. When a terrorist like Atta shows up at the ticket counter, we're paralyzed. Instead of questioning him about his shady activity, we question ourselves and call ourselves racist for even thinking such thoughts.

A certain amount of self-examination is good for our well-being. Without it, we don't evolve or improve for the better. But when every fiber in your body is telling you DANGER DANGER DANGER, and that slapping hand of self-criticism intervenes, it's gone beyond its healthy role of reality-checker and into the realm of suicide-enabler.

What should be alarming is that the terrorists understand this weakness in our mentality. They know that we'll have a national debate about the war every time a U.S. soldier is killed. Never mind the actual numbers -- they're clearly losing when you take stock of the actual situation. But they know that the only way for them to win is to weaken our own resolve and to make us question our own actions.

Some say that our openness is our weakness. Terrorist attacks are inevitable, they say, because you can never fully prevent them in a state where people are free to live their lives without a high level of scrutiny from the authorities. I've always thought this argument rings false. Certainly our freedom and openness presents some challenges, but that's part of the cost of living in a free society.

Instead, I say that our weakness is our uncertainty that we're the good guys.

This war is asymmetrical. We have far more power and strength than the terrorists dare to dream for. The only way for the terrorists to win is for them to enlist us in the battle against ourselves. They are steadfastly, immovably, ridiculously committed to establishing worldwide Islamic empire on the earth. We don't have that same level of resolve (charges of our own empiric aspirations notwithstanding), and they know it.

I am utterly grateful to the powers that be, that a man like GWB was president in the aftermath of 9/11, and I am even more thankful that the American people had the character to re-elect him. The only thing that will win this war is straight talk and absolute clarity about our goals. We're on the right track; we're turning this baby around.

Posted by Matt at 11:44 AM

February 24, 2005

Where I've been

You find all sorts of fun stuff while running through your referrers. Like this for example, found via ModBlog: All the countries I've visited.

Evidently it adds up to 14: The U.S., Canada, Jamaica, The U.K., France, Spain, Monaco, Switzerland, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Greece, Turkey, China. It should be 15, but Hong Kong doesn't count as a separate country anymore. Dang Hong Kong.

Still on the list: Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Brazil, Ireland. Among others.

Update: I wonder how many single men have hit on women in, say, Amsterdam, with the line, "So you've seen the Nether-lands... how would you like to visit my Nether-regions? (wink, wink, punched-in-the-eye.)

Posted by Matt at 5:21 PM

Seventh-grader suspended for tossing a rubber band

The ludicrous is becoming commonplace:

Robert Gomez, a seventh-grader at Liberty Middle School, said he picked up a rubber band at school and slipped it on his wrist.

Gomez said when his science teacher demanded the rubber band, the student said he tossed it on her desk.

After the incident, Gomez received a 10-day suspension for threatening his teacher with what administrators say was a weapon, Local 6 News reported.

"They said if he would have aimed it a little more and he would have gotten it closer to her face he would have hit her in the eye," mother Jenette Rojas said.

Fear the rubber band! Assault! Gimme a break.

Posted by Matt at 4:54 PM

Say it succinctly

Tom Maguire thoroughly responds to a long-winded critic regarding his exhaustive post on the Gannongate scandal-that-isn't.

Now forget all the discussion about the actual issue. The blogging gold comes in this li'l snippet:

with the retirement of S Den Beste, I am resigned to being the most consistently long-winded blogger going. Or at least I thought I had the top spot, until I read Ms. SZ's tome. Since I never get to say this to any other blogger, and I hear it all the time - sometimes less is more.

Thus I am proud to sponsor, at my own expense, thank you, the Say It Succinctly Campaign '05:

Proposed slogans include:

Bloggers: quit runnin' your mouth all the freakin' time!
Those pajama guys, they never shut up, am I right?
Okay, pipe down, Hemingway.
All right, thanks for sharing about your socks.

Feel free to submit any other slogan suggestions. Please limit your responses to 150 words or less.

Posted by Matt at 4:31 PM

Line 'em up & knock 'em down

Jeff Goldstein is on a roll today. Great stuff.

Posted by Matt at 3:34 PM

Rice has got style!

I mean, check out her taste in footwear. Seriously. There's something about that look that's tough... and yet kinda sexy.

I'm just sayin'... if I were, say, Bashar Assad, and Condoleeza comes a-walkin' into my palace struttin' those legs? I'd be a little more open to hearing the U.S. point of view. Or, you know, sufficiently distracted to forget what the hell I was planning to say.

Posted by Matt at 3:00 PM

The tsunami, just before it hit

There's something creepy about just looking at these images, knowing that they were among the last this couple saw before they were carried away in the devastation. Though their camera took a beating, the memory card was still intact; it seems pretty clear from the pictures that they had no idea of what was coming.

I'm reminded of Bill Biggart, the photographer who died when the second tower collapsed on 9/11. His camera was recovered intact, near his body. He kept shooting until the end.

Posted by Matt at 2:28 PM

February 23, 2005

A plea for help

I usually hate forwarded e-mails -- especially the kind that solicit you for support to send in a donation or to sign a petition for some cause that won't end up doing any good. But this story really touched me. I think anyone who reads the story of this little kid should be moved to do something for his cause:

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.

I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year old boy?

Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

Thank You,
Billy "Smiles" Evans

For more information on how you can help, contact your local chapter of Supporting Transplants for Underprivileged Minors & Parents.

Posted by Matt at 4:28 PM

February 21, 2005

Mission accomplished

For the last six days (and nights), I've chained myself to this machine -- no, not to blog; instead, to work, my chief aim being to finish up this project that's been lingering on the frontest-front-front-burner, but, much like a side of meat that can't be quickly grilled and served up hot, this project had to marinate, and much more effort was required to bang this puppy out before its end. Tonight I wrapped it up, clicked "Send", and thus e-mailed the message "I am finished" to TPTB, to notify them all of my success.

As with all web projects, there's always more that could be worked on and tweaked and endlessly improved, but as it stands now, the new website is done. In this case, "done" really means that the basics are all there, and that I can get cracking on adding more content and features and on and on and on... but it looks much better and thus, I'm glad.

If you know my politics, you won't help but notice the dissonance between my professed beliefs and the company I work for. That's a subject for a different post -- one which I will not make at any point in the forseeable future. Leave it at: I'm a professional.

And now, I'm going to go plop down in front of the TV. Or perhaps read a book.

Posted by Matt at 10:11 PM

No really, I swear...

Here's a soldier who definitely saw The Truman Show. Let's hope Hillary doesn't bust out her magnifying glass and start looking closely at all the pictures people have taken with her.

Shudder to think how many of them there are.

Posted by Matt at 12:51 AM

February 20, 2005

We was had!

Congressman Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) has leveled an accusation: Karl Rove leaked the infamous fake CBS memos, in a deliberate gambit to minimize Bush's service record with the Texas Air National Guard -- and to discredit the mainstream liberal media.

They've had a very very direct, aggressive attack on the, on the media, and the way it's handled. Probably the most flagrant example of that is the way they set up Dan Rather. Now, I mean, I have my own beliefs about how that happened: it originated with Karl Rove, in my belief, in the White House. They set that up with those false papers.

When you're sittin' 'round the table
For a game of Texas Hold 'Em,
You can tell who's raking in the chips--
They drink and joke and laugh,
All while the losers grumble loudly,
Yelling "Deal, damn it, deal!"

H/T: Carpe Bonum (seize the good?)

Posted by Matt at 11:49 PM

Mechanical Pong?

Last week, I pointed out Pokia, a company that's in the business of replicating the classic clunky black bakelite telephone handsets, for use with your much smaller and portable cell phone.

Well, in the same vein, here's some folks that have reproduced a fully mechanical version of Pong. That's right -- the old tennis game, reproduced nearly-pixel-perfect with glass and pulleys and strings. Controlled by joysticks.

Crazy!

H/T: EnGadget.

Posted by Matt at 4:38 PM

February 19, 2005

Maginally-obese bookish intellectual derides slender, socially-awkward teenager

And Jim Treacher takes fatty to task.

Favorite line: You might want to try thinking of others sometime, Ebert, you fricking whale.

Posted by Matt at 1:28 PM

February 18, 2005

Groovin'

This is the funniest video I've seen since the singing and dancing webcam guy:

You've probably never been on an elevator like this.

Update: You going up, ma'am? Or getting down?

Posted by Matt at 7:54 PM

Bionic limbs?

It's happening:

Scientists in the US have created a robotic arm that can be controlled by thought alone.

Developed at Pittsburgh University, it has a fully mobile shoulder and elbow and a gripper that works like a hand. ...

The monkeys in the experiment were able to grasp and hold food with the robotic arm while their real arms were restrained.

H/T: EnGadget

Posted by Matt at 10:06 AM

Slam

Having enlisted the aid of Ron Coleman, general counsel of the Media Bloggers Association, Michael Bates has fired back at the Tulsa World. The reponse is withering:

The World's complaint appears to be twofold. Let us dispose of the first issue quickly -- the claim that Mr. Bates's website "has inappropriately linked . . . to Tulsa World content." Why a newspaper with a website would want to prevent Internet users from gaining access to that website, regardless of the referral source, is a question best left to the World Publishing Company's board of directors. But while Mr. Bates's links may be "inappropriate" in the view of your newspaper, Mr. Bair, there is no legal basis whatsoever on which the World may prevent it.

Regarding the World's claim that Mr. Bates is reproducing copyrighted material in whole or in part in violation of the Copyright Act, this accusation must be rejected as well. Not only does the First Amendment protect Mr. Bates's activities, but the Copyright Act itself includes a "fair use" exception, granting parties the ability to use copyrighted material without permission from the owner for purposes of commenting or criticism. Mr. Bates's use of excerpted material from the World is obviously fair use and constitutionally protected speech. [Emphasis mine.]

So this newspaper is all up in Michael Bates' face and all frontin' like it's gonna lay the smack down, and Bates is all, "What's up, bitch?!" And the newspaper is all, "Not, much, Sir." And Bates is all, "That's right, bitch! Now go make me a sandwich!"

It's also good to know that my advice to bloggers was in line with Mr. Coleman's response.

Posted by Matt at 9:34 AM

Caption contest!

Stealth NCW correspondent "Buzz Aycock" sends along this fantastic find:

Need I even announce what's coming? Post your best caption in the comments section. I'll post this photo -- with the best caption -- in the sidebar all next week. Winner gets prominent props!

Posted by Matt at 1:00 AM

February 17, 2005

Nerf missiles!

Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles!

The U.S. Navy on Saturday will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine, the Jimmy Carter, with many new features, including multiple-warhead Nerf missiles.

President Carter, who brought peace to the middle east, vigorously defended America's right to give away the Panama Canal and, in 1994, convinced North Korea to abandon talking about its nuclear weapons, said he's honored to have his name on "one of the most powerful peacemaking devices on earth."

Posted by Matt at 1:17 PM

In which I compare the MSM's and its bitterness toward blogs...

...to the narrative and characters of Revenge of the Nerds. If you've never seen this movie, you might be a little lost. And you should see it, as it is a true classic.

The story takes place at Adams College. And as with every college campus and every social ecosystem, there are the big men on campus: the Alpha Betas. They're attractive; they're popular. They're the football stars. They're successful and rich, and they have the default respect of everyone. Problem is, though -- they're arrogant. They think they're better than everyone else. They have an attitude of entitlement, like they own the place. You get the impression that everyone would stop paying them any attention or respect if there were only a better alternative that would pay them the same respect in return.

Well, along come the nerds. They're pretty goofy-looking, and not as socially adept. They would spend all day long on their computers if it weren't still 1984 and personal computers being a little beyond their means. They're smart. They're naive. They have a sense of what's right and wrong. They're not attractive or rich or well-known, but they're likable. They have integrity, these. Ultimately, all they really want is to fit in and be free to do their thing like anyone else.

But the powers that be -- the Alpha Betas -- aren't hearing it. They make the nerds their laughing stock. They're dismissive. They refuse to acknowledge them. They ridicule the nerds as they sleep (in their pajamas) in the gym. They try to discredit them and intimidate them. They call the nerds worthless and try to get them to go away.

"Those nerds are a threat to our way of life," they say.

But strangely the nerds are undaunted. The Alpha Betas' good looks and power don't intimidate them; rather, they accept the fact that they're a little rough around the edges. They buck up and take the blows and get determined to flush out the jerks in the Alpha Betas so that no one has to put up with their derision anymore!

And what do you know -- the tables start to turn. The campus-wide carnival comes along; and while the Alpha Betas are boring their audience with the same old hackneyed routines, the nerds thrill the people and give them what they want.

People start to realize that those attractive, rich jerks aren't doing anything to earn their respect. And yeah -- the nerds might not be the most svelte guys on campus, there's something to them, and they're worth listening to.

The moral of the story is clear. If you're gifted with the looks and the power and the money, the only thing that can bring you down is your own arrogance. Once people realize that you're not the only game in town, they'll desert your drag show. And steal your girlfriend. Because on the Internet, all that polish doesn't account for squat. There's a big darth-vader mask that's firmly in place, and all the public's going to care about is how well they're being served.

Posted by Matt at 9:32 AM

The problem with the MSM

Bob at Have Conflict, Will Travel (no permalink) examines why the MSM is having conniptions with the rise of blogs -- and hits the nail right on the head:

"The first rule of journalism is that you don't talk about journalism."

As much of a joke as it was, it was also a very biting commentary on the MSM, because in the end, that's their problem with blogs and bloggers. They can't stand the fact that they no longer have a monopoly on the facts, nor on the distribution. Now they have loose cannons on their tail, looking for this mythical "liberal media bias" which they for so long have denied. Of course, loose cannons are rarely a good thing, but I think the fear of loose cannons can be an excellent motivator for the MSM to start really analyzing what they're saying day out and day in, and more importantly, how they're saying it.

Posted by Matt at 12:37 AM

February 16, 2005

Thieves steal 12 tons of train track

This just baffles me. How does a group of homeless people manage to...

...steal 12 tons of train track...
...that was salvaged from the rails of a subway line...
...in the largest city in the Czech Republic...
...and somehow get away with their haul without anyone noticing? Mind-boggling.

And here's the punchline: after all the heavy lifting and the risk of getting caught by the cops -- it is 12 tons of metal we're talking about -- the crack homeless crew probably sold their stash of steel for the outrageous sum of about 2500 bucks. I think it's safe to say that the "brains" of the operation took a shiv in the gut after taking the payout from Pavel's Scrap Yard.

I mean -- homeless people: kings of unintentional comedy! Am I right?

Posted by Matt at 11:21 PM

Michael Bates update

Incidentally, a reader from tulsaworld.com dropped by NCW yesterday. They're definitely paying attention to how this is playing out in the blogosphere.

They say you can "judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends." So what does it say about the Tulsa World that they've chosen to do battle with a guy like Michael Bates? And what does it say about Michael Bates, that his blog has mobilized the legal squad at his city's only paper?

Posted by Matt at 8:13 PM

I would prefer not to say

This is interesting:

When colleges ask applicants about their race or ethnicity, the forms always say that the question is optional. Increasingly, students are exercising their option -- and not answering the question. ...

Between 1991 and 2001, the number of such students increased by just over 100 percent, to 938,000...

I'm still frustrated with the question. Because let's face it: we all know that race isn't what we're so concerned about.

Admissions officers and university officials point to statistics showing us that minorities -- well, except Asians -- are significantly under-represented in our institutions of higher learning. And hey -- look at the statistics, and it's hard to ignore the disparity.

But what we're doing is just flat-out lazy. Race has as much to do with academic performance as height has to do with cooking skills. But the fact that I can't cook for crap doesn't entitle me to blame it on the fact that I'm 6\'5\". And if I wanted to do something about my cooking ability, I'd be retarded to think that I ought to start making myself shorter.

The problem with race is that we're afraid to talk about it honestly. Has anyone clearly defined what's wrong with our education system? I'm certain that if we were to look at longitudinal data collected over many years, we'd find that race ranks pretty low on the list of relevant factors. Socio-economic status, parents' attentiveness, the quality of teachers, the responsiveness of school administrations in dealing with problem students -- not a single one of these has to do with race, and all are influencing our kids throughout their growth in our schools.

Of course, admissions officers couldn't even ask these kinds of questions on college applications even if they accepted the complexity of the problem. Thus the question is begged -- why do they even bother asking about race, or any of these factors?

They want to make themselves feel like they're being serious about the serious problem of minority under-representation. All while not really doing anything to fix it.

Not having this race data "makes things a little more complicated for policy makers," said one of the co-authors of the study. Of course it does. It's time to get back to the drawing board, guys, and start thinking about the problem in a way that might start to make a difference. Until you openly acknowledge the complexity of the problem and that race has very little to do with it, you won't being to think correctly about finding a solution.

H/T: Glenn.

Posted by Matt at 9:54 AM

Treasure huntin'

As if I needed one more distraction...

eBay is giving out 25 $1000 prizes every day -- and here's the cool thing: the money is hidden in the auctions. You find the right auction listing, the money's yours.

They don't give you much to go on, though -- the clue for one prize is "Play the squares or see the stars." I thought: "Hollywood Squares". No luck. I probably won't beat out the several-dozen people who are actually making this treasure hunt the centerpiece of their day. But it's fun to try.

Posted by Matt at 9:21 AM

February 15, 2005

If you don't have something nice to say...

Vik Rubenfeld at The Big Picture notices something interesting about a lefty blog:

Deliberate insults: 3.
Actual wish of harm to a person: 1.
Illwill shown to: almost everybody discussed.
Goodwill shown to: no one.

Just to clarify: Fake NCW reader Fakir e-Ader writes:

Am I to understand, per the title of this post, that if someone doesn't have something nice to say -- especially about the Bush Administration -- that they should not say anything at all? That they should SILENCE themselves? That their DISSENT be STIFLED!?

Posted by Matt at 5:55 PM

Wizbang's got some brass

He sticks it to the Vice President of the Tulsa World:

As the proprietor of a web site that regularly outdraws tulsaworld.com perhaps I can offer you a piece of advice in dealing with the Internet; drop your petty vengeance campaign against Tulsa bloggers. Why you would deliberately harass bloggers whose readership averages 1,000 readers a day boggles the mind, especially when the law is on THEIR side.

Posted by Matt at 5:25 PM

Frist in 2008?

Robert Moran argues in National Review that it could happen -- that is, if Frist goes all-out to push Bush's agenda.

I definitely support many of Bush's policy proposals (i.e., anything that would reduce taxes and/or allow us to manage our own social security) -- and there's no doubt that Frist would benefit politically from being Bush's great facilitator.

But thinking ahead: the likability factor is a bitch. Would Frist even remotely have a shot at beating Hillary in 2008? Or Tennessee governor Phil Bredesen (of whom Glenn Reynolds often reminds us)? I don't have anything against Frist -- but speaking as an outsider to the game of Washington politics (as most Americans are), Frist strikes me as kind of a Dole II. A good guy, but a suit. Stiff. Not the good-natured, likable sort like GWB. The class treasurer, not class president.

If the Republicans are going to win in '08, they're going to need to nominate someone who can be every bit as likable as the president. People love good policy, but nowhere near as much as they love good personality. They like GWB because he seems like someone you might like to have over for a beer or a barbecue in your backyard. People want a president who isn't going to assume he's been elected as their superior; they want a president who understands and respects his fellow citizens.

And I think that's why Americans don't much like the cold, intellectual, stoic lecturing types. Of whom, I'm afraid, Frist is one. Marginally, but still.

If the Republicans could take a more likable character like Rudy Giuliani seriously -- and loosen up on the more socially conservative planks of the platform -- they'd be hard to beat. I have plenty of confidence in the Republicans' economic policies being good for the country, but Hillary's still going to be a tough candidate to defeat. They need someone with the moxie to keep the spark and flame alive in the party -- and I'm afraid Frist just doesn't have it. As Simon Cowell would say, he just doesn't have the X factor. Hillary would smoke him, policy achievements notwithstanding.

Anyway, it really is a long way off and a lot can happen between now and then. But it can't hurt to think ahead.

H/T: Howard Bashman.

Posted by Matt at 4:33 PM

Miss your old corded telephone?

Well you can get that old look and feel back again -- with Pokia's retro handsets. Just plug the old-school receiver into your cell phone and you can take yourself back to the good old days... the 70s. Or even the 60s. Joe Friday, were he an uptight, straight-laced, by-the-book real person and not merely a fiction, might even be persuaded to go mobile had he one of these babies.

I wonder if there's a benchmark in measuring a civilization's progress, when resources are spent rebuilding the relics from decades past, that anthropologists say: now there's a civilization that had time on its hands.

H/T: EnGadget.

Posted by Matt at 2:54 PM

Welcome to NCW

Welcome to all the new readers today! This is certainly the most traffic Nerf-Coated World has gotten since the name-change in November, so I thought I'd take a second to introduce the blog.

And the best way to introduce a blog? Why, links to posts, of course:

I post a lot about psychology. Weird characters. Strange behavior.

I post about Entertainment. I post about Gadgets. Every now and then, I Photoshop a picture or two. This one's from Election '04.

I rant. I rave.

I've been linked by Instapundit (link now here) and Den Beste (link now here) and Ace and Jeff G. I used to be manic; I burned out and took a sabbatical.

Now I just enjoy blogging, and I hope you dig the site. I'm building new stuff onto it every few days and I keep trying to make it better. So stick around, and if you like, add me to your blogroll!

Thanks for stopping by!

Posted by Matt at 2:04 PM

Fair use

Ace points out that newspapers are starting to warn bloggers against excerpting material from their work.

Do they have a case? Well:

Section 107 of the Copyright Law outlines the general principles of the fair use provision:

The fair use of a copyrighted work ... for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, ... scholarship, or research, is not an infringement of copyright. In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is a fair use, the factors to be considered ... include:

1. the purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of a commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes;


2. the nature of the copyrighted work;


3. the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole; and


4. the effect of the use upon the potential market for, or value of, the copyrighted work.

1. Excerpt. Don't cut-and-paste. We're in the business of commenting and criticizing -- we've got to post part of the original work in order to do what we do. But posting six or seven parpagraphs at a time is pushing it. If you're "excerpting" half the article, that's not really excerpting. And it might be copyright infringement.


2. The more of your own original material, the better. The law says that courts have to consider the "amount and substantiality" of the copyrighted work in relation to your work -- which basically means that they're going to look at how much of your work is comprised of other copyrighted material. There's no set rule-of-thumb for how much is too much, but you don't want to leave yourself open to the charge that you're ripping anyone off without contributing anything of your own. Look at your blog -- how much is your own work, and how much have you cut-and-paste from articles? Is it 80/20? 50/50? 5/95? The more of your own work, the better.


3. Always link to the original article. When hearing a case, courts will consider the economic damage you've presumably done. Well, not only is it good etiquette to link back to the original article, but it also shields you from the charge that you're depriving a newspaper of its just revenue. If you link to the article (and drive visitors to their site), it weakens their claim of economic damage. It costs you nothing, so you might as well.

Oh, and that "you can't link to our site without our permission" business? As far as I understand copyright law, that's utter nonsense and a total stretch. They cannot tell you what you can and cannot link to on your own website. If they really wanted you to stop linking to their site, they could always set up their servers -- which are under their control -- to deny traffic coming from your site, or any particular site. It is ridiculously easy to do so, from a technical standpoint. But you won't see them doing that. They know that traffic is good for business. This is just a case of the big media guys trying to strongarm their critics into submission and getting them to do the dirty work. It's rotten, and it stinks.

To sum up: there is nothing wrong with excerpting articles for commentary or criticism under current copyright law. Just don't be a parasite.

I want to stress that this is not legal advice, and that if you have any specific legal questions -- especially if you're, say, being sued right now -- talk to your IP attorney.

Update: This whole issue seems to have gotten the blogosphere's attention. Michelle Malkin, radio host Kevin McCollough, and Michael Bates himself have all linked here. Welcome, all!

Posted by Matt at 3:41 AM

February 14, 2005

Taking the stand: Kobe and Liz Taylor

Michael Jackson's going to call Kobe Bryant and Liz Taylor to the stand, to testify in his child molestation case. Bryant and Taylor are said to possess key information that would exonerate Jackson from all criminal wrongdoing, and uh... um...

...Just what would Kobe Bryant and Liz Taylor contribute to the trial? Let's just acknowledge the fact that they're there to awe-ify the jury, to have some of their stature rub off on MJ. Just what do they add to this case?

And don't say "character witnesses", because I'm pretty sure those only come in during sentencing. Unless they've got something relevant to the issue at hand, that stuff usually doesn't fly.

This stuff still makes me sick. If a celebrity crosses your path and screws you, you won't get justice -- you'll get a show trial and a media carnival and your assailant rakes in the free publicity. The "event" atmosphere only increases the likelihood that the jurors won't stay on point. Throw enough chaff into the atmosphere and even the best BS detector can get discombobulated.

Wretched.

Posted by Matt at 9:18 PM

21st-century crime-fighting

Thinking of breaking in somewhere that has a Rotundus standing guard? Better think again.

What's a Rotundus?

At around two feet in diameter and weighing less than your average useless shitzu, [it] can reach speeds of of twenty mph, or faster than your tresspassing ass can get off my lawn. It moves via an internal pendulum that shifts its center of gravity, allowing it to take turns and gain speed easily. With an array of cameras, microphones, heat, motion, and smoke dectors built in and the ability to move over sand, snow, mud or water, [it] can pursue burglars and alert security forces to unwanted presence.

Posted by Matt at 3:38 PM

Eason vs. Gannon

Wizbang wraps up the difference between the firings of Eason Jordan and Jeff Gannon:

The right hand of the blogosphere went after Eason Jordan because of his actions.

The left hand of the blogosphere went after Gannon because of who he was.

As usual, I'm glad to be on the right.

Posted by Matt at 12:57 PM

Love coupons

Dave at Garfield Ridge has the perfect Valentine's Day gift for the man who needs a last-minute something special to give his special lady: love coupons.

One dinner at a restaurant with silverware.

Five minutes of open, honest communication before wall of denial and deception slams back down forever.

Ah, romance.

This just in! The Onion has exclusive footage of Bin Laden's latest video: Latest Bin Laden Videotape Wishes America 'A Crappy Valentine's Day'

"Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this day," bin Laden said. "Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God."

Posted by Matt at 11:58 AM

Video obsession

Hm, I've got $18,000 to spend. I think I'll blow it on an old Atari portable console prototype.

I mean: holograms. It worked by using holograms. Somehow. Sure, it doesn't even come with any internal electronics -- it won't power up, much less anything else -- but it's a piece of history. We're talking 1981 here. 1981. Only five were ever made, and Atari owns one of them. Eighteen-large is a bargain.

H/T: EnGadget.

Posted by Matt at 11:44 AM

I'm a democrat

Bill at INDC discovered quite the interesting anti-Republican rant on Kos. The piece seethes with rage. I feel sticky for having even posted an excerpt of it here.

What I then discovered was that it's really hard to parody stuff that already takes its own ignorance to the extreme. It crashed. It burned.

Well, except this line, which was pretty funny:

I'm a democrat. I just love trees. When I see a good thick redwood or a soaring vine-draped tree in the rainforest, I sprout some nice, thick wood of my own.

He attempts the task. My favorite:

If not for safety laws passed by Liberals, this elevator would now be plummeting helplessly to the bottom of the shaft. And a fat lot of good your precious Jesus would do you.

Posted by Matt at 9:24 AM

February 13, 2005

This week in self-defense

Americans aren't taking any crap from the bad guys.

At a crowded shopping mall in upstate New York, a gunman opens fire. He fires off a clip into the crowd and then gets taken down:

Ali Afshar, owner of a mall kiosk, said he saw the gunman being tackled from behind by two men who worked at a sporting goods store. "They hit him and took him to the floor and held him there," Afshar said, adding that the shooter was dressed all in black.

And this is just astonishing. Some lady in Kentucky thought it would be a great idea to pull a knife on a pregnant woman -- with the intent to kill her and steal her baby.

Ms. Smith, 22, had been falsely telling neighbours for weeks that she was pregnant, and a search of her apartment after her death revealed a full baby nursery, investigators said. ...

"[Smith] reached into her pocket, pulled out this knife that was already open, put it in the overhand thrust position and attacked [Sarah Brady, the pregnant woman,] with it," Sgt. Loos said. "Sarah was able to make it out into the hallway, but Katie reached out, grabbed her by the hair, and pulled her back in."

Sgt. Loos said it appears that Ms. Brady struck Ms. Smith on the head with an ash tray and then grabbed the knife, stabbing Ms. Smith three times, including once in the upper chest.

Posted by Matt at 11:49 PM

Shouts out

I'd just like to give a hearty thanks to the folks who've added Nerf-Coated World to their blogrolls.

First to Doug at Ubi Caritas -- who includes NCW among just nine blogs on his blogroll. For some reason, he's got me in the company of Instapundit, Kos, and Boing Boing, which I just have to assume is a mistake. But like that card in Monopoly ("Bank error in your favor -- collect $20!), I'm just gonna grin and enjoy it!

Hm.

Well after that bit of self-effacing amusement, I kind of feel dirty for calling attention to Jennifer and Jeff Goldstein, for blogrolling me. Not to mention Mac and George Gaskell. But hey, I'm appreciative. And not being appreciative makes baby Jesus cry.

Also linking in the last week: Secure Liberty.

All this I discovered through my "Technorati Profile" (whatever that is).

Posted by Matt at 11:26 PM

February 12, 2005

44

Rumor has it, George W. has a nickname for Condoleeza Rice: 44.

Which, frankly, is kind of a cool thought. I have no idea whether Rice would even make a good president. But if the Republicans nominate Rice as the first woman -- and more, the first black -- presidential candidate, oh, the epileptic shock it would cause!

Eh, they'd just respond by saying that Rice isn't really black. Which would be funny for them to try to explain. Heck, it might even instigate some debate on whether Democratic policies (The Great Society, The War on Poverty) have actually helped black people in this country. Who knows. But it should be interesting at any rate.

Hat-tip to Ace.

Posted by Matt at 5:24 PM

Riddle me this

If you know me, you know that I love puzzles.

This image puzzle is a real challenge. You have to find text in each image that tells you where the next image is located -- and there are 15 total stages to this crazy mind game. I've made it as far as stage 6, but I've got no idea how to proceed from here.

Some hints and good discussion are going on at J-Walk.

Posted by Matt at 2:21 PM

February 11, 2005

Gamblin'

Oh, you're wanting to waste time. Sure. I got it.

Well, please to enjoy this very fun (and funny) Vegas-style Slot Machine, which is bound to kill as much free time as you've got. Probably the only slot machine in the known universe that features a) progressive levels, with goals, b) the shining happy face of my friend Brad, and c) your dog. Yeah, your actual dog.

That Brad Paker is one creative mutha--[Shut cho mouth! -- Ed. Will do.]

Posted by Matt at 7:17 PM

Bug Chasers

Jennifer went channel-surfing last night and came up with a disturbing find: men who actually want HIV:

Kenboy had several parties before he finally tested positive. The last party he talked about before he tested positive involved about 50 "Gift Givers" as they call themselves. Men who are positive who willingly infect others. He called it his Conversion Party.

I am not a homophobe and this film repulsed me. I use to think that gay men like Kenboy were the exception to the rule. That most gay men were like my friends and acquaintances, the same as everyone else for the most part, just better dressers and a tad more dramatic. Now I am not so sure. Glorifying this subculture was one thing when it was about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Will and Grace, but if the net result of that is what currently happens in the metro gay communities, then we need to go back to the days of fear and paranoia, when these men had a better chance of surviving their lifestyle.

Being gay is a touchy subject. We can't agree on what causes it. We know that it runs in families, and that those tendencies persist even when the child is adopted into a straight family. But we also suspect that there are a lot of environmental factors involved too. For example, it's striking that a large share of gay men and women have had serious abuse in their childhoods. But that doesn't completely explain it either.

Bottom line is: we just don't know yet.

What I have noticed, though, in my experience with gay guys, is that there's a really strong identity factor involved with being gay. If you are gay, you are a member of the gay community. It's like a badge that lets everyone know who you are. It's easier to strike up rapport; it's easier to be accepted. It gets your foot in the door to making friendships and relationships -- and that's something that I think we all can relate to.

But with the guys in this film, something's gone wrong. Being gay isn't enough for them -- they have to be HIV-positive to find that sense of where they fit in.

Being HIV-positive grants you immediate status. It gets you sympathy. It gets people to treat you nicely. It gets you attention (and that can be a pretty strong drive, as I noted yesterday). It lets you know who you are and where you stand in relation to the rest of the world. It also slowly kills you, but what about that?

Is it hard to believe that there would be people who want attention so badly that they would willingly sacrifice 50 years from their lives? Or, similarly: is it so hard to believe that there would be people so depressed that they would want to kill themselves, but decide to do it in a way that makes them feel like they matter, if just for a while?

I think with these guys, their being gay is incidental. Or maybe, they happened to become gay during some phase of their quest to find themselves. Either way, something else is going on here that has little to do with their lifestyle, or the gay culture in general.

By accepting gay culture so openly, are we making it too easy for people like this to fall through the cracks? I'd argue not -- because I think we're looking at the problem with the wrong shade of lenses. This isn't a gay issue. It's an issue of mental illness. Gay men who are well-adjusted don't go out seeking HIV. They are safe when it comes to sex, and they are serious when it comes to commitment.

And it might be true that there's a lot higher incidence of mental health issues in the gay community than in the general population, and that accepting the gay culture might mean that HIV is a serious risk for some people who are just seriously confused about their identity. I don't have the evidence to back up that kind of claim, but it would be interesting to find out if it's true.

So, I've got to disagree with the idea that this is a gay issue. It's sick and it's sad, and I absolutely share Jennifer's shock and appallment at the depths of depravity to which these men choose to submerge themselves. In the end, though, it's a mental illness issue taking form in the context of the gay culture -- and I don't think these terrible stories should call for us to reevaluate our acceptance and openness with gay culture any less.

Update: Yes, I realize I'm starting to become Stephen Den Beste. What with the long essays and all.

Posted by Matt at 5:01 PM

Waking up after 20 years

It's like a real-life Lifetime movie:

A woman unable to talk since she was hit by a drunken driver 20 years ago has begun to regain her memory and form words, sending her father "from despair to joy." ...

Scantlin was 18 when she was struck while walking to her car in 1984. She had been aware of her surroundings but unable to make any sounds other than loud crying until a month ago, when she told staff members, "OK, OK." ...

She is now forming other words, counting and remembering people and places, staff members said.

An old girlfriend of mine introduced me to an uncle who had been in a car accident in the late 80's, which left him with a terrible form of brain damage. He couldn't control the muscles on the right side of his body -- and only barely move those on the left. When he tried to speak, it was more like grunting and moaning. But the saddest part about it all was that beneath his physical disability, his mind was still perfectly intact.

He had a speech synthesizer -- much like the one Stephen Hawking uses -- so I caught a little glimpse of how his mind was working. "What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?" the computerized voice asked me. "I don't know, what's the difference?"

"They know how many went down on the Titanic."

It must have been terrible for him to be so aware of his condition. The worst part of the evening came when choked at dinner. He flailed in his chair, unable to do anything about the fact that he couldn't breathe, while his mother and father tried to stay calm and retrieve the piece of meat from his throat. Afterwards, he started crying in a tone that I can't even begin to describe -- the expression of helplessness and frustration from a man whose mind was perfectly capable of understanding exactly what was happening to him, and that he could do nothing about it.

It will be really amazing if Miss Scantlin's higher brain functions survived her accident after all this time. As for her parents, I can't imagine the reignited hope they must be feeling and the frustration and despair that they may have to face if there comes a point where their daughter doesn't improve. Twenty years is a long time to wait for an "OK, OK". I hope, for all their sakes, that there's a lot more to come.

Posted by Matt at 2:08 PM

Roses are, in fact, very often, a shade of red

Michelle at ASV has a great little contest going on:

Valentine's Day poems. No, not sweet, lovesick poems. They have to be from one famous person to another.

For instance, from Michael Jackson to Corey Feldman. From Courtney Love to Dave Grohl. Ernie to Bert. From Jessica to Nick. From Roast Beef to Molly. Hugh Hewitt to the CEO of Target. You get the idea. I hope.

And, uh... Could someone please 'splain what the heck is going on here? I mean this is bad enough... but the metaphor of giving someone your heart -- it just doesn't play well in a realistic medium.

(Found via one of Michelle's many links to My Creepy Valentine, which apparently is a repository for, well, creepy valentines.)

Posted by Matt at 1:50 PM

February 10, 2005

Attention starved

This woman has a real problem with lying:

It started small.

The woman called Grand Junction radio station KMOZ, requested a song and mentioned to the disc jockeys that she was headed off to basic training in the Army. She said her name was Amber Kenney.

The first flake of deception — her name was Sarah, not Amber — grew into an avalanche of lies. ...

Last month, she told [DJs Robert St. John and Libby Jackson] that her husband had been deployed to Iraq. She also mentioned that she was pregnant and that she thought she might be having twins. She said she was due in September. Later, she would tell Homefront Heroes, the Western Slope military support group, that she was due in May.

Nobody picked up on the discrepancy -- until later.

"She just kept calling. Things went on. We had no reason not to believe her," Jackson said.

"Then, last week, she called us and said, 'Did you hear? My husband died. He was killed overseas,'" Jackson said. "Robert and I were both like, 'No, you're kidding.' I told her to come see us.

"I cried with her; I hugged her. She cried. We all cried."

I can never remember how exactly she claimed to have hurt herself each time -- which is probably a credit to how well she had developed her routine -- but it wasn't hard to tell that she was full of it and just trying to get attention. I'm sure it also had something to do with the fact that she was terrible to get along with, and that she had no friends.

And if I think back, I can probably imagine that my mom would have cautioned me not to jump to conclusions too quickly, to have sympathy for the girl, but it might have been an advantage of my age that I didn't have a whole lot of understanding and life experience to clutter up my BS-detector, which was clearly telling me and everyone else that this girl had a serious problem with needing attention.

What's saddest about this story -- at least for her -- is that I can't remember a single other fact about this girl, other than her attention-getting antics. Except, also, that she got an expensive Audi for her 15th or 16th birthday. If I were to armchair-analyze her, 12+ years after the fact, I'd say this might have been a case where she didn't get much love around the house, and that her parents threw money at her instead of spending time with her. But who knows.

At least in Miss Kenney's case, she might have made the first step to straightening her stuff out:

"I think I need some serious counseling," [she said.]

Posted by Matt at 11:21 AM

February 9, 2005

The perils of dating the president's daughter

It's bad enough when you're dating someone to not know where you stand with the girl. But to have it revealed to you in a press conference, by her mom:

"This is not a serious boyfriend -– I hate to have to be the one to say it on television. But he's a very nice young man." LAURA BUSH, on the 26-year-old her daughter Jenna is dating.

Thanks to Jennifer, who finds all sorts of funny things. Which, in addition to being a fellow Texan, and therefore automatically worth listening to, is a witty and clever daily read. (Incidentally, any member of the female gender who knows who Stan Lee is, let alone finds his appearance on FoxNews worth blogging about, is worth paying attention to.) And as if that weren't enough, Jennifer was nice enough to add this here blog to her blogroll, which means that she's pulled quite the trifecta in must-readitude for the hundred or so readers that come here every day! So pay her a visit already, wouldya?!

Posted by Matt at 1:54 PM

Punk'd

Sick.

A 26-year-old punk chick scalped a 16-year-old punk chick "apparently as punishment for her disrespectful behavior toward women":

Dahle is accused of tying up the teenager and cutting away a 6-by-8-inch section of her scalp. She allegedly used a 4-inch knife to cut away the crown and back portion of the scalp. ...

"When I say this gal was scalped, she was truly scalped," said Bill Braddock, chief deputy of Boise County. "The top of her head, her hair, was completely cut off. The motive, as near as we've been told by witnesses, was retaliation for acting in a way that the adult perceived as being offensive to women as a gender."

Braddock said the victim, Dahle and another teenage girl who witnessed the attack were long-term acquaintances who belonged to the same clique. ...

Police were alerted after Dahle allegedly dropped the teen off at St. Luke's Regional Medical Center in Boise, Braddock said. Sheila said her face and body were covered with blood when Dahle left her at the hospital.

Authorities recovered the scalp, which had been left behind at the hot springs, but doctors were unable to reattach it, Braddock said.

Not being an expert in the ethical codes of teen and young adult punk gangs, it strikes me as a bit off that this girl's "crime" was cited as "disrespect". Girls aren't usually that physically aggressive -- especially when the victim is so much younger. The article briefly hints that there were "sexual overtones" to the incident -- which would make a lot more sense than the whole "disrespect" angle. Was this an expression of jealous rage? A Lorena-Bobbitt-style act of revenge?

Either way, it would do a lot better to explain the complete wacktitude of this woman's violent behavior. Yeah, it's still nuts, but it makes a lot more sense than some gobbledegook about defending the violation of gender roles and interrelational mores in microsocial minority communities.

More: Ace and Jeff speak.

Posted by Matt at 12:30 PM

MSN loves NCW

I'm not quite sure what it is I'm doing that makes MSN's search love Nerf-Coated World so much, but I'm definitely doing something right.

For example. A while back, I mentioned a song off the Zero 7 CD Simple Things, called Likufanele. I mentioned it once. Now NCW is the #1 site for Likufanele. NCW ranks higher than Amazon or Zero 7's own website. Kinda weird.

Last week, I expressed my surprise that Orlando Bloom was actually into chicks. MSN thought that was pretty sweet -- NCW is the #2 site for Orlando Bloom gay. Which plays right into the kind of audience I'm trying to draw here.

Even for a post I did three days ago on Napoleon Dynamite, I'm in the top 10: "Napoleon Dynamite dance".

I wish I could pat myself on the back and pop open a cold one for deciphering MSN's new space-algorithm or whatever it is they're calling it, that's so new and exciting and fresh. But I haven't. I just hope I can keep it up.

Hm. Now to get Lady Google to similarly start puttin' her woo on.

Posted by Matt at 10:16 AM

February 8, 2005

Whoever wins...

Like Dave at Garfield Ridge, I'm probably going to hell for laughing so hard at this.

Like Dave, I'm going to disclaim any insensitivity by announcing that the first ad is not in any way amusing -- in fact, I'd say it's pretty damn good at getting its point across. But the parody isn't nearly as funny without having seen the source material first.

First, watch the UN's ad on land mines.

Then watch the parody.

Posted by Matt at 6:25 PM

February 7, 2005

Abolishing the BCS!

...via the mighty, fearsome power of the Texas State Legislature!

Rep. Corbin Van Arsdale, R-Tomball, has filed a House resolution urging the abolition of the BCS and its complicated formula that picks the teams for college football's biggest bowl games and crowns a national champion.

Even if it passes, the resolution would simply be an endorsement with no legal authority to dismantle the BCS.

Van Arsdale is simply following California's lead. The Republican leader of the California Senate has introduced a similar resolution in that state.

In that case, Sen. Dick Ackerman's dismay was understandable. A graduate of the University of California, Ackerman was upset that the BCS allowed Texas to bump the Golden Bears out of the Rose Bowl and take their spot.

...

But since I'm only about half as funny as either of them on my best day, I'll wing it with a woefully inadequate Top 3:

Top Three News Stories Relating to Ridiculously Inappropriate and Overreaching Sports Bills In a State Government Near You, 2005:

3. In response to a proposed California House resolution that would require giving "equal time" to state university athletic sponsors, the anti-business Green party and socially conservative Republicans band together to oppose changing the name of the USC Trojans' Pac-10 rivals, the California Golden Bears, to the Calfornia Durex®.

2. A coalition of die-hard New England football fans doggedly lobbies the Massachusetts legislature to officially censure Philadelphia Eagles' wide receiver Freddie Mitchell, characterizing his pre- Super Bowl trash talk as "incendiary, inflammatory and irresponsibly un-Patriotic. Especially considering our nation is at war."

1. In a shallow act of retaliation for deserting the 2004 Miami Dolphins, Florida Governor Jeb Bush issues an executive order decreeing that Ricky Williams has enough marijuana in his system to be legally declared a Schedule I narcotic, whereupon he is subsequently confiscated and sold bodily at a state auction for $1750.00.

Posted by Matt at 5:52 PM

That's hot obscene

I've been up late nights recently, trying to figure out what to get Paris Hilton for her birthday. That girl means the world to me, and it's just so hard to figure out what to get the spoiled, talentless, airheaded heiress who has everything, you know?

Well, I think I finally came up with the answer: A $54,000 diamond-crusted cell phone. I have no idea if it'll work on T-Mobile's network, given that Paris Hilton is now on their payroll as a paid cardboard-cutout spokesperson, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Posted by Matt at 11:17 AM

February 6, 2005

Vote for Pedro

I just found -- to my immense delight -- the entire Napoleon Dynamite dance scene.

Please to enjoy.

Posted by Matt at 2:37 PM

The best American Idol reject ever

Ladies and gentlemen, the stompin' mumblin' sandblastin' musician-type stylings of American Idol wannabe Leroy Wells.

Found on Edgevolt.net.

Discussion questions:

1. When it comes to judging musical talent, is it even remotely possible for Simon "I wear black because I'm serious" Cowell to just say "no thank you" and smile?


2. Can you dig it? I'm afraid I can't quite.

Posted by Matt at 2:25 PM

February 5, 2005

An amazing parrot

Okay, this might sound lame, but I swear it's not. This parrot can do all sorts of cool sound effects:

And for the ladies, there's a few frames of the one and only Mario "Slater" López. You know, and for the gay men too.

Posted by Matt at 6:01 PM

I wanna get me some Christian booty

God's down with the hip-hop flava.

My Bi-ble Stu-dy Don't! Wan't! None! Un-less you Got! Book! Hon!

I love God update: Can I get an A-Men? Double up -- A! Men!

Posted by Matt at 12:32 AM

February 4, 2005

Fear of public speaking?

You couldn't do much worse than this terrible weather report.

"These bad things just blow in, uh...." Yup.

Here's an explanation for this train wreck.

Posted by Matt at 10:54 PM

I need a healthy dose of this right now

How was your day today, Napoleon?

The worst day of my life, what do you think?!!

Update: "NCW"... I like the sound of that. It sounds kind of... tough, and wrestling-y.

Posted by Matt at 10:38 PM

Comments are moderated temporarily

Because of some problems with comment abuse, I've decided to moderate all comments here for the time being. So if you post a comment and get an error message, don't sweat it. I'll approve the comment.

Posted by Matt at 5:10 PM

Hazing incident leads to death...

...by water intoxication?

A California State University student died of "water intoxication" during hazing in the basement of a fraternity, authorities said Thursday.

Matthew Carrington, 21, died early Wednesday while drinking water from a five-gallon jug and doing exercises at the Chi Tau house near the Chico campus, said Chico Police Sgt. Dave Barrow.

An autopsy showed death was triggered by hyponatremia, a condition in which excess water in the body causes sodium levels in the blood to drop. Water is then absorbed into the blood and fluid builds up in the brain.

I don't think it's any stretch of the imagination to think that at least once in that fraternity, the following conversation took place:

Frat guy #1: Dude, do you think we should be giving them that much water to drink?

Pledgemaster: Dude. It's water. You can't die from water.

I mean, all I've got is wows and oys. Sad stuff.

Posted by Matt at 2:04 PM

"Give that man a promotion"

...says Dave at Garfield Ridge. I agree.

"Actually it's quite fun to fight 'em, you know. It's a hell of a hoot. It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right up front with you, I like brawling," [Lt. Gen. James] Mattis said.

"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil," Mattis said during a panel discussion. "You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."

I don't know about you, but I like having this guy fighting on our side.

I'm not what you'd call "hardened". I don't think I ever want to be that so tough that I could be so unaffected by death. But without people like Lt. Gen. Mattis, people like me would lose all that's important to us.

John Adams explains it better than I could:

I must study Politicks and War that my sons may have liberty to study Mathematicks and Philosophy. My sons ought to study Mathematicks and Philosophy ... in order to give their Children a right to study Painting, Poetry, Musick, Architecture, Statuary, Tapestry and Porcelaine.

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is already trying to soften the blow:

Without explicitly criticizing Mattis, Pace told the briefing, "First of all, all of us who are leaders have a responsibility in our words and our actions to provide the right example all the time for those who look to us for leadership."

The general isn't saying that he loves killing. He has pride in putting his butt on the line, in the most dangerous places, in order to fight for the kind of civilization that we're all so privileged to enjoy. If some people can't see the true morality of what it means to be on the front lines literally fighting for the values that have made our prosperity possible, then they probably don't have the historical understanding and moral development to ever appreciate how good we have it anyway.

Me, I'm just humbled that men like him exist.

Posted by Matt at 10:19 AM

February 3, 2005

Holy crap

I am really lucky there was nothing flammable within a couple of feet of the wall.

I just picked up a new cell phone charger at Best Buy -- the generic, fits-all-Sprint-phones model -- and plugged it in. As soon as I did, there was a POP!! and a blue and white-orange explosion bursting out of the socket. The fireball was only there for about half a second, but my hand was right in the middle of it, and it was hot.

I have no idea if it was my charger or the socket (this is a new building). I'm a little wary of trying it again... but my cell phone needs juice...

If this does end up being my last post, due to premature death via electrical explosion, please know that it's been a pleasure writing for Nerf-Coated World... And happy trails to you all.

Posted by Matt at 1:47 PM

Twistedly funny car ads

By now, everyone's seen the ad of the suicide bomber who drives a VW Polo to his assignment... only to be thwarted by the Polo's rigorously solid construction.

What everyone might not know is that it's just the latest in a trend of car ads forged by some pretty sick senses of humor. Witness the case of the Ford Sportka. (It's a European model.)

Ford Sportka Ad 1

Ford Sportka Ad 2

VW Polo Update: Mac prodded me, wondering if I'd heard anything about the news of VW suing over the "spoof" ad.

Why the scare quotes? Because I don't think the ad was actually fake. I think it's a great example of Corporate being able to put out a hilarious and effective marketing spot, definitely crossing the line of political correctness, yet being able to maintain a level of executive deniability when it comes to taking responsibility. They can claim outrage at the spot, but it's raising the awareness of their cars, and in the boardroom, they're thrilled. If I'm wrong, eh, well, then call me cynical on the matter. But I don't think I am, and incidentally, I think it's great if this was, in fact, the plan.

Well, here's what seems to be the latest:

The makers of the ad have "come clean":

Volkswagen said in a statement it had received sworn statements from the two creators -- Dan Brooks and Lee Ford -- acknowledging that they made the ad but had not intended for it to be distributed.

"The creators regret the distribution of the film, will not publicise it further and apologise unreservedly for the damage caused to Volkswagen," it said, adding that the company would now drop legal action against the pair.

Volkswagen had lodged a criminal complaint last week over the ad, which it called "an attack on Volkswagen's good name."

If this was a homebrewed operation, then it's one of the best ever made -- but that explanation is so unlikely that it can't be taken any more seriously than the explanation I offered above.

Another update: The guys who did the VW ad have an online portfolio.

Posted by Matt at 10:12 AM

February 2, 2005

Patches the horse

Rednecks of the year. How else could you describe a couple of country boys driving around in a convertible with a horse in the front (and back) passenger seats, to grab a couple of cheeseburgers from the drive-thru? Around the house, Patches will also fetch them a beer and answer the phone. Amazing.

H/T: The Country Store.

Posted by Matt at 5:14 PM

The guy loves his music

I mean, he loves his music.

I actually found this about two weeks ago. Somehow I managed to lose it until Liz sent me the link today. Amazing how the Internet works.

Update: Is it just me, or does it look like this guy's mouth could be the entrance of a tunnel in some wacked-out haunted Disney ride?

Posted by Matt at 10:30 AM

Shocking

The world of entertainment has shocked me again. First, Brad and Jennifer split up, and now there's this:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Hollywood couple Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth have split after dating for nearly three years, People magazine reported.

I mean:

Am I right?

Update: Evidently my gay-dar is seriously broken. I've been told by a number of girls today that the Lovely Mr. Bloom's heterosexuality has been common knowledge for years. I guess that's the kind of thing you'd investigate, were he an object of your affection. Kind of like trying to find out if Angelina Jolie swings both ways.

Which, she does, right? Because that's hot.

Posted by Matt at 10:18 AM

February 1, 2005

Lyrics

From Zero 7 again:

My shoulder's in your pocket
Speed dial number 2

Posted by Matt at 2:34 PM

A rare personal venting

I'm getting really sick of dating. Relationships. Whatever.

I cannot quite understand why, in the course of the last six months, I've been told, three times, by three different women: "You're great/awesome. I don't know what's wrong with me/I'm a nut." Verbatim.

It's almost like I should just start handing out Mad Libs when I start dating someone, for use at some undetermined point in the future:

Matt, you're _____________ (Complimentary Adjective). (Implied "But") ____________________________________ (Statement That You, Yourself, Are Screwed Up In Some Way).

Now, I've got enough self-awareness and humility to know that when someone, including me, encounters a pattern of messed-up people -- or, at least, people who, by their own admission, say they're messed up -- that there's usually something wrong with him.

I do recognize one thing: I manage to get involved with women who have real psychological blocks to intimacy. Another fun phrase I heard, again, three times, from three different women in a two-week span in December: "If you really knew me, you wouldn't love me."

That gets hard to hear. It sucks to be pushed away.

I'm not deliberately going after women who are hard to get. I'm not pushy. And I'm not desperate. Quite the contrary; I know that I'm attractive, inside and out, and I never seem to have any problems having women who are interested in me.

I'm kind, I'm generous, I'm funny, I'm interesting; I'm thoughtful and understanding and empathetic, and I really care and listen. I keep getting told that I'm the total package, that I'm a real catch; yet I somehow manage to find myself involved with women who don't want it, or don't see it, or who aren't ready for it.

I'm not wallowing in self-pity, and I'm not crying out, wondering what's wrong with me. I'm just raw and really tired. Lately it all seems awfully arbitrary; that even if things are going great one day, that the other shoe will drop, without warning, the next. And it's been hard to keep a positive attitude when your history is littered with so many awful surprises. Yet I know that's what I have to do.

I've been in this position for far too long. It's time for a change.

In the end -- and I know this is my optimism persisting through this craziness: I know that I will eventually meet a woman who is smart and beautiful and wonderful in every way, who appreciates me and will love me with her whole heart. And when I do find that woman, and when I fall in love with her, it will be absolutely wonderful to be able to look into her eyes and tell her, with the warmth and sincerity and appreciation and true understanding that only these experiences could impart -- that I will truly feel like the luckiest man alive to have finally found her.

Posted by Matt at 9:57 AM

Build your own South Park character. Why not?

September 2009

Syndication