Bug Chasers
Jennifer went channel-surfing last night and came up with a disturbing find: men who actually want HIV:
Kenboy had several parties before he finally tested positive. The last party he talked about before he tested positive involved about 50 "Gift Givers" as they call themselves. Men who are positive who willingly infect others. He called it his Conversion Party.She goes on to say:
I am not a homophobe and this film repulsed me. I use to think that gay men like Kenboy were the exception to the rule. That most gay men were like my friends and acquaintances, the same as everyone else for the most part, just better dressers and a tad more dramatic. Now I am not so sure. Glorifying this subculture was one thing when it was about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Will and Grace, but if the net result of that is what currently happens in the metro gay communities, then we need to go back to the days of fear and paranoia, when these men had a better chance of surviving their lifestyle.I'm repulsed, too, that there are people out there like this. It's sick, it's suicidal, and if it isn't evidence of mental illness to actively seek out death through contracting a disease like AIDS, I don't know how else you could read it. But I don't agree that this sickness is an offshoot of the glorification or, more mildly, the acceptance of gay culture.
Being gay is a touchy subject. We can't agree on what causes it. We know that it runs in families, and that those tendencies persist even when the child is adopted into a straight family. But we also suspect that there are a lot of environmental factors involved too. For example, it's striking that a large share of gay men and women have had serious abuse in their childhoods. But that doesn't completely explain it either.
Bottom line is: we just don't know yet.
What I have noticed, though, in my experience with gay guys, is that there's a really strong identity factor involved with being gay. If you are gay, you are a member of the gay community. It's like a badge that lets everyone know who you are. It's easier to strike up rapport; it's easier to be accepted. It gets your foot in the door to making friendships and relationships -- and that's something that I think we all can relate to.
But with the guys in this film, something's gone wrong. Being gay isn't enough for them -- they have to be HIV-positive to find that sense of where they fit in.
Being HIV-positive grants you immediate status. It gets you sympathy. It gets people to treat you nicely. It gets you attention (and that can be a pretty strong drive, as I noted yesterday). It lets you know who you are and where you stand in relation to the rest of the world. It also slowly kills you, but what about that?
Is it hard to believe that there would be people who want attention so badly that they would willingly sacrifice 50 years from their lives? Or, similarly: is it so hard to believe that there would be people so depressed that they would want to kill themselves, but decide to do it in a way that makes them feel like they matter, if just for a while?
I think with these guys, their being gay is incidental. Or maybe, they happened to become gay during some phase of their quest to find themselves. Either way, something else is going on here that has little to do with their lifestyle, or the gay culture in general.
By accepting gay culture so openly, are we making it too easy for people like this to fall through the cracks? I'd argue not -- because I think we're looking at the problem with the wrong shade of lenses. This isn't a gay issue. It's an issue of mental illness. Gay men who are well-adjusted don't go out seeking HIV. They are safe when it comes to sex, and they are serious when it comes to commitment.
And it might be true that there's a lot higher incidence of mental health issues in the gay community than in the general population, and that accepting the gay culture might mean that HIV is a serious risk for some people who are just seriously confused about their identity. I don't have the evidence to back up that kind of claim, but it would be interesting to find out if it's true.
So, I've got to disagree with the idea that this is a gay issue. It's sick and it's sad, and I absolutely share Jennifer's shock and appallment at the depths of depravity to which these men choose to submerge themselves. In the end, though, it's a mental illness issue taking form in the context of the gay culture -- and I don't think these terrible stories should call for us to reevaluate our acceptance and openness with gay culture any less.
Update: Yes, I realize I'm starting to become Stephen Den Beste. What with the long essays and all.
Posted by Matt at February 11, 2005 05:01 PM
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